She is in my trunk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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