they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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