dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
