Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
