i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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