I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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