a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
