so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
