I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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