you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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