Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
