When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
