That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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