Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
