how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
