he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
