Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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