my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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