I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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