therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
