Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
