Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
