what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
