I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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