I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
