Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
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You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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