her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
