My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
