Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
