We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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