with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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