Can i not drive my cunt home
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
