hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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