my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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