so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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