I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize