I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
