It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
