i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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