Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
