i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
