so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i think my cat just said my name.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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