my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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