well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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