Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
