Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
