i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
