i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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