whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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