I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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