lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
