Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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