I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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