I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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