oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
