He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
