I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
did i walk over a car last night?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
