Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
