Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
