I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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