it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
