Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
