my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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