I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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