i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
