You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
