2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
this is an emotional support booty call
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
