Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Randomize
