Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
