Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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