The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
